15 4 / 2014
opalhonors asked: Because apparently you are writing ficlets. How about one where Natasha and Bucky sneak into Steve's room and completely redecorate it while he's asleep as a birthday surprise.
"Please, you’re not that sneaky,” said Steve. Natasha and Bucky both froze in mid-step.
"Oh, man, that was a super dumb thing to say," said Sam. "I’m not gonna stand anywhere near you for a couple of days because shit is gonna rain down upon you.”
Natasha squared her shoulders. “What he said.”
An hour after they left, Steve realized his wallet was gone. Then he reached for his phone to text Natasha—which was also gone.
Then he got home and realized so were his keys.
"Dammit," he said feelingly.
He picked the lock. His TV was gone.
There was a small mound of shaving cream on his nose when he woke up. He had reflexes, ok, this shouldn’t be happening. He had government-issued honest-to-god superhero reflexes.
When he reached up to wipe the shaving cream away, he got another face-full of the stuff. Apparently they’d put another mound in his hand just for this moment.
"Goddammit," he said, even more feelingly.
His bathroom was painted a garish neon green color. That wasn’t so bad. It would give him an excuse to do an art project later.
Then his hand stuck to the doorknob.
It was a couple hours later at Starbucks when three separate coffees disappeared out of his hands that he gave up.
"Uncle!" he shouted at the packed Starbucks to shocked, silent faces. "I’m calling uncle! Tapping out! Giving up! I admit it! You’re the sneakiest sneaks who ever sneaked, ok?!"
"We’re cutting you off, sir," said the barista, delicately taking the un-drunk fourth cup of coffee away from him. "I think you’ve had too much."
Natasha and Bucky were waiting outside, lounging against a wall and looking just like the sort of hoodlums neither had ever really had a chance to be.
"Bet your ass we’re the sneakiest," said Bucky proudly.
"So sneaky," gloated Natasha.